What i wouldn't give to understand myself or to understand how emotions really work.
I was just skipping around reading blogs some of my old friends link to and found one who had some sadder posts
and i found that i found them appealing not in any mean way but deppression is appealing for me, i don't quite understand why but ifi had to explain it i think i like it because it's so intense and all encompassing. anyone who knows me knows i do things in extremes so i guess that fits. but why does it have to be this way for me - i don't want to like depression - but i do i want to dive in headfirst to emotional situations i seem unable to get enough i want to give so much to some one in pain i want to take thier pain and make it my own ( i have no idea where this is going by the way ) i like sadness becasue it's reliable, you can't always be happy, but you can always be sad. sometimes i feel so alone like a little kid, like my daughter when she get hurt or scared and i wish there was someone there to hold me the way i hold her
but then i don't want to feel better i just want to continually hurt becasue thats the only time i feel like i'm getting as much love a affection as i want (even though i certainly don't deserve it)
this is one of the wierder post i've done and mabey this age chart i made for my self will show you why
Actual Age: 25 yrs
Intellectual Age: 28 yrs
Emotional Age: 10 yrs sometimes 5
I truly feel that way most of the time, but usually i'm smart enogh to second guess myself or ignore the feeling - not today though
at least i have Harry Potter to look forward to
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